i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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