I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
