just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
