Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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