Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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