i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
