we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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