The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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