I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
