I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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