I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
