Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
