Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
