My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize