Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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