y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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