at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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