The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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