Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
