dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need Xanax blowdarts
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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