True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
