You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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