so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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