Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
