Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
