I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
