my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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