My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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