got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
