I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
