you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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