and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
