ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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