fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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