When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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