So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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