The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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