Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
