she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
