nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
