Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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