For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
