So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
