maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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