Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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