Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
