I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
