I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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