Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
