Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
