dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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