Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
