3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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