I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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