Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
