She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
