omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
