when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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