the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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