Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
