i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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