I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
