Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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